8 posts tagged “moving pictures”

I've been saving up buckets of leeway for "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Light Skull." I'm enough of an Indy nerd that if I show up with criticism on my mind, I'll find plenty to hate. My only options are to skip this one completely or zero out my expectations and happily wolf down whatever I get.

Considering a Raiders clip popping up on Muppet Babies was once enough to bring joy to my heart, it shouldn't be too hard to satisfy me. But there are some scenarios that would burn through my leeway store pretty quickly.

Namely:

Indiana Jones and the CGI Shenanigans

I've read encouraging accounts of Ford and Spielberg slapping the computer out of Lucas' hands, but this being a Lucasfilm joint, there's a fair chance some "wizardry" will still creep in. Well-crafted, necessary special effects or crowd/building enhancement are fine and dandy. But I don't want to see anything that stands out as the product of ILM, Class of 2008

My biggest concern -- aside from a Jabba cameo -- is a flashback featuring a CGI 35-year-old Indy. The digitally spry Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen in "X-Men: The Last Stand" weren't as horrible a the zombified digital Orville Redenbacher, but youngifying technology has a long way to go yet.

I'd also be displeased if there were any reason for a scene with a younger Indy, such as...

Indiana Jones and the Past Twenty Years

I do not want to know all about what everybody's been up to since the Last Crusade. One of the most wonderful things about the series is the adventure serial sense that there are countless off-screen adventures, which are potentially even more awesome than what you're watching. And there's no reason to talk much about all the other adventures, because each could be some other movie. Temple of Doom occurs before Raiders, but you'd only know that by comparing the date captions. Each adventure stands alone.

Indiana Jones and the Famous Indiana Jones

I'd also hate to find out that in the past 20 years, Indy's adventures gained him fame beyond the tight-knit fortune-and-glory community. Mainly, I'm not interested in Indy grappling with his own legacy as a theme.

I know this one seems awfully specific. It only occurs to me because I imagine Spielberg, Lucas and Ford have wrestled with such things and might spew it all over the screen.

Indiana Jones and the Old Indiana Jones

For that matter, I'd rather no see Indy grapple with any sort of aging crisis at all.

I've been a staunch opponent of the "Harrison Ford is too old to play Indy" position. I never thought Indy was the sort of hero that needed to be any particular age. In fact, that's integral to the whole idea -- he gets by mainly on hard work and thinkin', not on youthful prowess.

So, I'd rather the movie didn't make a big deal about his old-manness, at least not to the point of it being a central theme. And I really wouldn't like the idea of the story being "one last adventure." To me, the potentially wonderful thing about the new Indy movie is the idea that the guy just keeps adventuring his whole life. This is a highly worthy theme.

And of course, taking the "one last adventure" notion to its furthest extent would realllly bug me, which is why I fear...

Indiana Jones and the Dead Indiana Jones

For one thing, 95-year-old Indy already showed up in The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles, so we nerds would never stand for 60-something Indy kicking the bucket. For another thing, that sort of plot turn would be counter to the whole spirit of the films. A series of continuing adventures shouldn't have a hard stop.

Indiana Jones and the Temple of In-Jokes and Anachronisms

One of the most infuriating things in the Phantom Menace -- on par with Jar Jar, even -- was the schticky Greg Proops two-headed pod race commentator monster thing. Specifically, this little jokey-joke: "I don't care what galaxy you're from, that's gotta hurt!"

So, the inhabitants of the StarWarsverse know that they're in a sci-fi series? And they use catch phrases that come from a long time in the future, in a galaxy far, far away?

Here's hoping the guys resist the opportunity to pander to casual fans with jokes from modern times, references to other Spielberg/Lucas/Ford projects or yuck-yucks about waiting a long time between adventures. That flies in Oceans 11 movies, but not here.

Indiana Jones and the Visit to Present Day

In the years leading up to the Star Wars prequels, I had a recurring nightmare that the new movie was all about Luke and the gang showing up in 1990s America, where hilarity ensued, Star-Trek-IV-style.

If aliens pick up Indy and drop him into a world of Starbucks and American Idol, I'm driving straight home for the torches and pitchforks and heading to San Francisco.

I know this is highly, highly unlikely. But there's just enough supernaturalness and Lucasness involved that I won't feel completely safe until the credits roll.

But all that far-fetched worry aside, I'm as giddy as can be. I want to see it opened as well as you. We are simply passing through history. This is history.

Do as you will.

A rock-solid foundation for marriage:

Channel surfing on Friday night, I stumbled upon Dragnet (the 1987 version). Tiny E and I both chirped with delight and watched it through to the end (a good half hour). Then, as the end credits rolled, we rapped along with Aykroyd and Oscar Winner Tom Hanks to "City of Crime." We knew the words for some reason.

Who else would have either of us?

Here's what YouTube has to say on the subject:

Yes.

Update on my earlier matinee post:

Yesterday, the corporeal counterparts of tiny e, Dave and I went to the 3:15 showing of "Casino Royale" at one of the many Atlanta Regals. Turns out Regal is copying off AMC's paper, and adopting the death-to-matinees scheme. No matinees after 3:00, the man at the box office said!

If I'm feeling up to it later, I may riot in the streets. Now back to fast-forwarded Golden Globes.

Video: Show us your favorite movie scene.
Submitted by Caroline.

The parade of sophistication continues...

And the piece de resistance...

Holy crap!

Looking for fave movie scenes for my last post, I did a "Hudsucker Proxy" search. This is one of my favorite movies, but I haven't seen it in 6 years or so.

Anyway, came across the clip:

My brain: "Say, the guy who plays buzz looks familiar... so very familiar... saw him on TV just tonight... looks like... PREZBO!"

An IMDB search confirms it. I just blew my own mind. That guy has range.

In other news, this here is Buster:

Video: Show us your favorite movie scene.
Submitted by Caroline.

I dunno, "favorite" is hard to say. But here's a sampling of digestible stuff I could actually find on YouTube:

With a free Sunday afternoon on our hands recently, Tiny E and I decided to take in a moving picture show. We opted for the 4:35 showing of "For Your Consideration" at the AMC. A startling plot twist awaited us:

Tom: "Two for 'For Your Consideration' please."
Box office teen: "That'll be $18.50."
Tom (speedily crunching numbers in head): "Really?"
B.O.T: "Yes."
Tom: "For a matinee?"
B.O.T.: "We don't have matinee prices after 4:00 on holidays and weekends anymore."
 
There you have it, friends. Shoving away hundreds of years of tradition like it isn't no thang, AMC has redefined the concept of the matinee. My inner old man is up in arms over this.

Entertainment Weekly tells me that the movie theater industry is in big trouble because we're all staying home and watching TV shows and DVDs and especially DVDs of TV shows. If AMC wants to compete and save itself, this strikes me as exactly the wrong direction to take.  In fact, movie theaters should find a way to lower their prices. A good will gesture like reduced prices would play to the theater's advantages -- the ability to force advertising on a captive audiences and make a killing on iced Coke-a-cola and popped corn.

I'm a cheap bastard at heart, and I actually like the obscenely expensive concessions revenue model. Everybody wins! When I had no money, I went treatless, smuggled treats in via Tiny E's purse, or got free treats courtesy of cronies who worked at the theater. Now that I'm a gentlemen of means, the high prices are part of the fun. I strut in and announce, Yosemite Sam style, "I'm a-splurgin'!" I don't feel like I'm being taken advantage of because it's completely voluntary.

Call it the concert effect. Which reminds me -- why not sell exclusive T-shirts and DVDs and such at exorbitant prices? The nerds will snatch them up, I'm sure.

I understand theaters have to pay studios the bulk of the box office on new releases. But they should charge only enough on tickets to break even or make a tiny profit. And then they should drop the price after the movie's been out for a while and they don't have to give everything to the studios. Think about the free great publicity that awaits the first theater chain to slash prices.

In this instance, we paid $18.50 to see a movie on its last legs at 4:35 in the afternoon. For $18.50, you can get a loaded Netflix subscription and watch just about all the movies you want. For $18.50, you can buy one good DVD or two lesser DVDs. Or you can get four movies on demand.  Or one medium bag of our spoiled dog's fancy-pants food.

My biggest issue with the matinee thing is it's so transparently greedy. I would rather they raise the prices across the board than trample on the concept of a matinee.

And is it too much to ask for a cartoon and a news reel before the picture starts? Feh!

What is your favorite children's movie?

Putting aside appealing-to-everybody-but-admittedly-geared-to-kids movies like Raiders, Buckaroo Banzai, etc., I'll say "The Great Muppet Caper."

This is the "Empire Strikes Back"/"Godfather Part II" chapter of the Muppet saga. In a more nuanced, cerebral follow-up to the 1979 original, Kermit, Fozzie and Gonzo play newspaper reporters who have to exonerate Miss Piggy, after she is framed for stealing a valuable diamond.   

You got your shenanigans, your special guest cameos (John Cleese, Peter Falk, Jack Warden), your fourth-wall-breaking commentary. Plus -- PLUS --Charles Grodin, at his Grodiniest, serenading Miss Piggy! Truly one of the greatest moments in American history.

 This actually happened

I didn't find that clip on YouTube, but I did find this: